Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Nicky Haslam turns pop star love god, with Greta Garbo and Rupert Everett


At the age of nearly 73, party Zelig and society interior decorator Nicky Haslam is about to make his debut as a pop star with forthcoming album Midnight Matinee, produced by David Ogilvy.

For a sample, catch Nicky's first single release from the collection, Total Control. It's easy-listening fare paced sedately to the many slow-mo moments in the accompanying video which I generously feature below. 

Among its many surprises is a sultry young woman dancing with herself in a glittery blue cocktail dress, seemingly lost in an auto-erotically charged vague de tendresse for absent Nicky, who at one point defies the laws of spatial separation and joins her in a bedside waltz. His hand runs down her back, as it might once have done in pre-copulatory preparation. His countenance bears signs of a grim determination. 

It's enough to put you off regular, romantic cock-cuntery. But one must persevere, I suppose. The video ending is a happy one. He retires to his bed in his red jimjams, alone, but with a smile on his face. No deflating pillow-talk horrors in the morning. 

The hawk-eyed will not fail to notice Nicky's personalised alphanumeric car licence plate - 'LIBRAS', a knowing reference to his star sign.

Nicky has proved to be quite a draw to other icons and singers. Cilla Black (friends again with Nicky), Bryan Ferry, Bob Geldof and others feature on the album. There are spoken passages by Rupert Everett, Tracey Emin, AN Wilson, et al. Even the late Greta Garbo and Noel Coward live again on vinyl (or download) for Nicky, making a nonsense of mere death.

The album is out 'soon'.




10 comments:

Anonymous said...

But isn't he a practising homo? I'd preferred him in a grope with a juicy stallion.

Everard said...

Oh Madame, you bitch

Anonymous said...

I had no idea Cilla Black was a friend of his or that they'd fallen out and now made friends again. Where would we be without you, dear?

Jilly said...

I haven't laughed this much in ages. Thank you MA xx

The late Lee Strassberg said...

I'm no critic. But acting like a closet gigolo doesn't suit Mr Haslam. I think his old Coleherne look would have been more in character.

Anonymous said...

It's a pity MA does not practise what she preaches and fails not to be ageist, homophobic and mean.

Dog Walker said...

He's very into S&M

Madame Arcati said...

How do you know? Madame demands an answer.

Anonymous said...

Poor Nicky his "sheets are stained" maybe the sultry girl should stop dancing and grab him some incontence pants.

Catherine de Bourgh said...

One presumes it's his nurse.

In which case, a MOST unsuitable uniform!